I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
