Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
True college students do jello shots in the library
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
