dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
