Your dad touched me again.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
