Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize