So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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