I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
