my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
