either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
