____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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