apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
