I threw up into my coffee this morning.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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