So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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