He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My ass is underappreciated
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
