bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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