Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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