And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my shit smells like andre
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
