If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
