i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
