On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
