So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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