SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
