So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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