Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
