are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
