I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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