so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
