I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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