best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
