That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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