im having a threesome with these popsicles
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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