exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
