Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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