New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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