I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
