I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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