When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
