Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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