Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
