Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
