Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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