i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
