are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
