Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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