Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
