I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
