I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
