found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
