What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
