Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
