I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
