In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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