life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
