PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
PANTIES FOUND
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