I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
