I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
